3 ways to take back your power

For years now, I’ve been bullied and psychologically terrorized.  I felt powerless, helpless, depressed, traumatized, angry and alone. I had no one to reach out to to help me in the situation so there I was, taking every blow, every belittling tactic and just trying to have the energy to do it all another day.  I knew that this person was purposefully trying to break me down so the one thing I did to show strength was to not appear broken down. I was like the wacky-inflatable-tube-man--nothing could keep me down. In the end, instead of continuing to deal with this malignant narcissist and watch my life exist as a pitiful, energyless shell while pretending to be happy, I decided to remove myself from the situation completely.  That’s the best thing I’ve ever done for my mind, body, and spirit. Self care to the max. Even better than meditation. Hell, all the meditation in the world could not keep me whole and nurtured in that crazy ass situation. When you are being directly and specifically attacked, you need to take active measures to remove yourself from the situation if at all possible.

I just recently removed myself from this situation and looking back on it all, I’m taking in the lessons of resilience, ferocity, and self care and I want to share these lessons with you. I was in a dark place of depression over this time and couldn’t figure out why I had no energy to make friends, do yoga, and be my fun and adventurous self.  I live in one of the most beautiful cities in the world and I hadn’t done much to enjoy it at all. I had finally hit rock bottom in this situation during my pregnancy and sought help. With that holistic, feminine guidance I was finally able to see clearly and remember the tools I already had in my toolkit to deal with this madness. I knew what I had to do to take back my power.

When we feel powerless, what can we do to help ourselves?

  1. Seek help from others.  We are a social species so we need to be able to lean on others to provide strength.  When we are experiencing extreme situations/ feelings, our best bet is going to someone trained to mindfully listen.  It is not always helpful to be bombarded with advice from others. Just talking through a difficult experience can provide immense relief and clarity about the situation and a way through it.

  2. Practice self care like a boss.  In the midst of difficulty, being nice to yourself is a great way to develop deep strength.  Instead of telling yourself you’re such a scaredy-cat if you don’t have the strength or desire to face a bully one-on-one, instead, acknowledge that you are practicing self-preservation in the best way you can at the moment.  You are being strong even in doing that. Self care in terms of a more loving dialogue can also be coupled with mental, energy/spiritual, and physical self care. Balancing the chakras when we feel lethargic, practicing yoga to keep the energy flowing, taking a nap when we feel totally depleted--listening to the self and taking the best option to provide balance empowers us.  In this way we become our own healers.

  3. Remove ourselves from the situation altogether.  I don’t say this in naivete. Most times we keep ourselves in a difficult situation because it is so so hard to get away from it--be it our jobs, our familial relationships, our romantic relationships…. We may not be able to wake up tomorrow and say goodbye, but we can wake up tomorrow and develop a plan to get out.  Saving money is usually a common step in those plans but know that if the situation is toxic enough, it may be best to remove ourselves from the situation sooner than later.

Well I’m already feeling more like myself and more comfortable residing in this here body after I finally took the option to remove myself from this situation.  I’ve learned countless lessons along the way and I know I have the ability to show up and protect myself from harm. It took most of my life and a horribly toxic situation to really own up to this ability but I’m finally here! And if I can help someone else get here too, all the better!